Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you made out with another girl for some wings
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
