At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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