Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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