That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you never un-have a 4some
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
