I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
