Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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