just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
