Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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