i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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