Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
