just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
