hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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