We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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