There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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