How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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