Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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