My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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