So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize
