hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
