you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
