OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
