Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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