Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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