I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
