I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
