All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
