The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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