just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
