I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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