You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
