I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
