The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
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