I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
