I just cut my nipple shaving
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
