just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
