definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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