his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
