fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
