DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
