Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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