it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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