He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
