1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
