Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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