all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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