Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
