Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You pole danced in your parka.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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