what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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