I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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