Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
