Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
