2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
