Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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