I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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